A day in the life of ADD

I was having one of my worst ADD days I have had in a long time. I had set aside the day to really pound in the homework so I gathered all my books and down to the library I went. I organized my books about me and turned on the computer. I wanted to find a stick drive so I could save my work and transfer it to another computer later so I open the top drawer of the desk. When I opened it I notice how many paper punches we had and started to clean the top drawer out figuring it will only take a minute. So I started to separate my things out to put in a desk downstairs. I then had to go find a box to put all the treasures in so out to the garage I went looking for a box I knew I had extra. In the garage I saw the dog food and went back into feed the dog. His bowls were dirty so I went into the kitchen to wash his bowls. Dishes were in the sink so they were washed and put into the dishwasher. Finally back to the dog food and box. I take the box into the library and start placing my pile into it. I find a few pens and try them out to see if they work then I figure while I am at it I might as well check all the pens on the desk. Going through the pens I find pencils and find they all need to be sharpened. After I sharpen them, I notice the container I put them into was dirty so back to the kitchen to throw it in the dishwasher. While I was there I made some coffee.
By this time I am getting a bit upset cause I really need to do this homework. So I force myself back into the library and sit down and go to the Weber web site. I open my first class and realize I need to study the immune system. The teacher specifically said to get the patho book for the inflammation system. I didn’t buy one cause I knew I had one at home and I doubt path physiology has changed much over the last 10 years. So I start looking for my book….
Those of you who have seen my library know that almost all of the shelves are full. They were such a mess, I went through all my books removing old chemistry books that were missing the first five chapters, nursing books from the 80’s, organized the DVDs that were there, pulled out a bunch of kids books to give to Whit to take, arranged the knickknacks and put a battery in the clock that has been dead for about a year.
Screaming in my head with frustrations, I force myself back to the chair and try to focus. After re-reading the same paragraph for the fifth time and still have no clue what I had just read, Jerry tells me the obvious…leave the house.
Great idea!!! I go upstairs and into the bathroom, take my shirt off and go into the closet to put it in the dirty clothes. As I go into the closet, I see my hanging clothes and realize there are some shirts there I haven’t worn for over a year so they needed to go. Of course my shoes were next. After I did that I picked up the clothes to throw then by my door when I noticed how dirty the floor was. Surely I had time for a quick clean job. I open the cabinet below the sink and wonder why I have all this hair product I don’t use. Organization of the cabinet below the sink seemed of major importance. I found something that belonged in the other bathroom and half way there I wonder where I am going to go to study. The library is quiet but does it have internet? What are the hours? Downstairs (shirtless as I still planned on showering) I go to check the internet. It doesn’t open until 10!!! I had been up since 7 and had a half hour to wait! Guess I had better go shopping for school supplies so I could organize my classes better.
Back up stairs to the shower where I had to mentally block things out so I could get into the shower. Dressed, hair wet, I had to get out!
Stopped at flying J to gas up and get a soda. Sneezed while I was there and had to call three people and tell them about my sneeze!! (Recent bladder surgery). Into Wal-Mart where I got lots of pens (cause I had thrown most out), pencils that didn’t need sharpening, and other stuff.
After my shopping expedition I was hungry because I hadn’t eaten and drove to Einstein’s across the street. The line was too long so drove to taco bell where I decided to buy Whit lunch and take it to her at work…
After that side trip, I went back to Einstein’s for my lunch. Off to the library!
Wait, the library doesn’t allow food or drink so I call Marc and ask if I could come over to study. He agreed and over to Marcs I went. By this time it was 2:00 and I had a headache to beat the band! Go to Marcs, pack all my books and supplies in, go to his office talk to Allie and decide I just can’t do this, my head hurts, I can’t focus and I need a nap!!
Pack all my things back to the car and home I go.
Into bed I go and 20 minutes later Jerry and Jovi come home and up I get to help them organize their game night….
I think I finally was able to do minimal work that evening but no true studying ever took place! I love my genes!!

Hoping for a future...

I watch as she picks herself up, dazed, she looks about wondering how something like that could happen to her, she slowly runs her hands down her pants, brushing lightly at the dirt, tears running trails down her smudged cheeks. She starts rubbing the scum off her face, she sees me and runs to the shelter of my open arms. I protect her the best I can from repercussions, love her more than she’ll know, try to get her ready to try again. Perhaps this time she will heed my words, maybe she’ll listen with not only her ears but her heart as well. Doesn’t she know that I have experience or have seen what she is going through? I know what it is like to be blindsided by pain, hurt, betrayal, fear. You wonder how things could have gotten so far outta hand, why didn’t I see that coming, what was I thinking.My eyes fill with tears as she steps out again, right in front of the train and my heart wrenches as I stand there and watch as she is run over again. Screaming to her is of no use, she knows her own way, sure of each step. All I can do is be there to help pick up the pieces and try my best not to belittle her efforts or enable her to continue her destructive path. I seem to fail more often than not, get frustrated, infuriated, my priorities are not hers and I have to accept that…or at least try.

Not so routine shift start

Start shift. Night nurses not in a good mood all talking at once. Something more than the usual must have happened. I move around the conference room gathering supplies to start my day listening with half an ear to the night nurse give report to the days team leader. My full attention is caught when I hear the other nurses question where they are to get new red bags from cause the “cutter” nicked his artery. In the jail we have two kinds of bags, a blue one and a red one. The blue one we grab when we receive any medical call in the jail. They have basic supplies like items to take vital signs, kerlex wraps, band aids, diabetic supplies, burn cream..things for basic first aid. When someone calls for the red bag, we know things went south real quick. The red bag has IV supplies, oral airways, O2 masks.. items needed when a band aid just isn’t enough. This particular cutter bleed all over two red bags, the stretcher, the wall, the floor anywhere you could get blood, this boy did. Medical is waiting at the big metal door watching helplessly as an officer is holding pressure on this kids arm. Finally it is clear and control can open the door. Medical comes rushing in and the officer lets go to make room for the team. As he lets go, the kid starts to move. He doesn’t want help, he wants to die and here come the people who are going to stop his plan. Officers jump on him and hold him down while medical gets into place. Very quickly they don’t have to hold him down, he bleeding out. He becomes less responsive. As a nurse you almost breathe a sigh of relief because now you can get to work. The officer holding him has blood up his arm and on his clothing. Approximately 80% of the jail population has hepatitis C. Still he risked it for someone who will more than likely despise him later. Large gauge IVs in both arms, officers squeezing bags of fluids into this boy trying to give his heart something more to pump. Packaged and transported out to a waiting ambulance.
The next day the boy is brought back to jail, sutures and staples are holding his antecubital together. He is no longer allowed in general population (GP) his new home is in the acute psych unit where he is placed on Full Suicide Precautions (FSP) status. He is naked with nothing but a suicide blanket which is a thick, heavy blanket sewn is such a way that it cannot be used for anything but cover. All his meals come in a paper sack, he gets no utensils and he a styrofoam cup. His nurse will monitor him frequently and an officer will do a visual inspection every fifteen minutes. The boy is not happy to be where he is. His eyes are dull and he refuses to acknowledge anyone. He stares blankly at the ceiling or sleeps. He still could care less about anything but at least he is not messing with his wound. Social workers come and speak with him; the psychiatrist comes to see if meds will help. All I can offer is a kind word spoken softly, letting him know that someone actually sees him as a person, not a case number or a prisoner. Slowly his eyes turn to me, he takes a deep breath as if to say something, changes his mind and looks away. How could he think that coming to jail was the end of the road? How would it be to have no hope, to live in such darkness…Maybe tomorrow he will talk to me.